I remember all the phone calls I have ever received and learned that a friend or family member had died. When we were told our mother was gone, when my grandma passed, after my uncle had died on my birthday, or my best friend’s sister had died the next day on what would have been my mother’s birthday. Then there were others like when I found out that two close friends had been killed by the trauma of an avalanche.

I got another such phone call last Thursday — actually 0:21 on Friday. I had just gotten back from a late indoor soccer match and was eating some cheese and salamini. Then my mobile phone buzzed. I answered it and my whole perspective changed. Allan told me that Jeff was dead. I was shocked. I didn’t expect to hear that. I told him I would be by the house.

It seemed like the longest drive focused on the road and each light as my mind wandered and wondered how everyone was and what was happening. I got there and there were plenty of people at the Sigma Chi house somber and calling others to give them the news.

I sat down with Allan and Jenna. I wandered around the house seeing people in shock and in tears and sadness. People kept arriving. I saw Greg and gave him a hug. He just kept crying and I kept holding on to him for a while. It was difficult, but it was good that we were all there for each other.

I stayed at the house until about 3:30 when Levi went to go to bed. He had been the one to discover that Jeff was gone and we were all especially concerned for him.

On the way home I thought of the line from a song that says, “We get to carry each other.” It is blessing that we can support our loved ones.

I e-mailed work to tell them I needed time off to go to a gathering that evening. I ate a bunch of ice cream and I went to sleep.

Friday I got up late and went back to the house. I saw a few guys and we went to each sushi for lunch. I went to work, but left after a few hours to return to the house.

When I arrived I saw a person I had been friends with before, but who had betrayed my trust. I don’t think he was close at all with Jeff. It was very upsetting. I told him to stay away from me.

The house was packed. There were plenty of friends, fraternity brothers and sisters. People came from out of town and we hugged and talked. People brought food. It felt a little too social for my mind. I was hoping we would share more memories, but it was okay to have people be with others.

I had wanted to read the ‘poem’ from the song:

One love, One blood, One life
You got to do what you should
One life with each other
Sisters and my Brothers
One life, but we’re not the same
We get to carry each other
We get to carry each other

I told people about it though. Most thought it was good.

Eventually some people left and gradually the people who remained migrated up to Levi’s room. It was like a game of sardines as more people packed in sitting on the bed and floor after the his couch and chairs filled. We talked about Jeff and remembered fun times and jokes he had enjoyed.

I gave Levi a shirt with my face on it. It was kind of a non-sequitor but he had admired the one Allan was wearing the night before, so i thought it might help cheer him up. Levi said we should get some made with our other friends’ faces on them.

Again, I stayed until most people left and Levi went to bed. He had his engineering iron ring ceremony the next day. I told people we should let Levi get some rest and we cleared out at about 4:00.

Saturday was kind of slow to start but busy, I had to run errands and do some reading for history, which was hard to focus on. Levi called after his ceremony but before IRS. We talked about the plans and meeting with Jeff’s parents the next morning.

Melba and I had dinner late. I wanted to go to the house again, so we went after eating and cleaning up.

We hung out with a few of the guys for a while. It was good to be around people.

Sunday morning I got up and went over to Jeff’s house after picking up Levi. I met Jeff’s dad, and brother Mark. I had met his mom Linda before, but it took me a second to remember.

We talked about plans for the memorial. They wanted to have the local one the next day and to head back to Thunder Bay for one at home.

We discussed the obituary and details of the memorial service.

I tried calling contacts with the university to try to get a venue on campus. The call went up the chain and I heard back from the dean of engineering’s office.

Sue — whom I knew but hadn’t seen or heard from in more than five years — asked me a few questions, made sure that the parents were involved and that the service would be inclusive, to which i responded affirmatively. She said that Bud would make sure we had a place for the event and let us know.

I e-mailed those involved and told them to reply to Levi, Ryan G., and Mike P., as well as to me. Messages went out then to Lee, and Danny who confirmed the details and we got confirmation of the room in South Campus Hall and for wine (which was a detail we thought Jeff would have liked). Getting those arrangements was a relief and the university helped a ton.

Now, I have to do work and school and readings, but tomorrow evening will be a big help in moving forward from this sad loss of our friend Jeff Aho.